Random thoughts
So it's 12:30am. I have an 8:00am class the next morning. Which means I have to wake up at 6:00am and be out of the house by 6:50am-ish.
I'm dead tired. My eyes feel heavy. I'm trying to study for a huge quiz I have first thing tomorrow morning. I'm lying on the sofa because I'm too exhausted, realizing that I still have a lot of studying to do. And then it hits me...
I'm turning 23 years old soon.
God I'm...old. By the time I move out I'll probably be 25!!! It's just weird....I still feel like I haven't grown at all. Which, in my opinion...feels like I've been gipped. Why am I not smarter? Wiser?... Taller? Well okay, maybe the height thing is out of my control, but the rest....how come I'm not.... more of something? If that makes any sense. It's just that I feel like I should be a different person by now. Or is this who I will always be for the rest of my life?
When I say that it feels like I've been gipped, I mean... the whole "soul-searching-figuring-out-who-you-are" journey kind of loses meaning when you've got no where else to go. It's kind of depressing realizing that you're stuck with the person you've become. Like this is the end of the road: nothing new, interesting, or original.
I'm dead tired. My eyes feel heavy. I'm trying to study for a huge quiz I have first thing tomorrow morning. I'm lying on the sofa because I'm too exhausted, realizing that I still have a lot of studying to do. And then it hits me...
I'm turning 23 years old soon.
God I'm...old. By the time I move out I'll probably be 25!!! It's just weird....I still feel like I haven't grown at all. Which, in my opinion...feels like I've been gipped. Why am I not smarter? Wiser?... Taller? Well okay, maybe the height thing is out of my control, but the rest....how come I'm not.... more of something? If that makes any sense. It's just that I feel like I should be a different person by now. Or is this who I will always be for the rest of my life?
When I say that it feels like I've been gipped, I mean... the whole "soul-searching-figuring-out-who-you-are" journey kind of loses meaning when you've got no where else to go. It's kind of depressing realizing that you're stuck with the person you've become. Like this is the end of the road: nothing new, interesting, or original.
Seriously, I'm a little freaked out about that.
posted by Mike and Brenda @ 12:28 AM
1 Comments:
At 9/24/2005 4:40 PM,
Anonymous said…
I've had the exact same thought for quite some time, ever since - well, many situations actually.
It's strange. You look at your parents and how mature they seem, and how they seem to be more adult than yourself .. . and of course they are, but as I've grown older I've seen immature sides of my mother, I've seen softer sides of my father, and I've learned to actually see the person underneath, and - at least for those two - there is still the insecurity that I feel, and still feel from time to time. My dad can be like a teenager once in a while, not knowing what people think of him. I guess that's me growing up, being able to see and accept that - there's not a person in the world I respect more than my father - about that, there's something I probably should tell you, but lets do that some other time, less ... public. :)
I'm turning twenty and yet I see sides of me from when I was 8, 10, 12, 13(!), 15 etc. It's freaky really. But with every year passing I feel as though I have more potential, and that I can do more things. I learn to accept myself more, and grow with who I am. That is maturing, you don't need to change from who you are, you "just" gain another - or a second - perspective on life.
As I've said so many times before, your blogs always relate to my own life in some way. Stop freaking ME out! :)
... and thanks for accepting Emilia...that damn girl found her way inhere afterall! ;)
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